(Brandine) Lois Lame DHB Homelessness Diary – Day 4

Oh ya you missed all the other days but they’re mostly on @brandine_X  (I don’t always have the time to sit there and pen out a blorg).  Days 1, 2, and 3 flew by as I was hard at twerk.  I am a really good bartender and server and do everything I can to throw myself into the host/entertainer role.  I’m grateful that my boss has spent years building up a solid clientele.  I rarely ever have to put on my bouncer fedora these days.

I have been searching for a modest home for 3 weeks now, and its a struggle in Vancouver.  This town is full of people who have just arrived and came to follow their dreams, just as I did some 5 years ago.  Ahh well it was hard back then, but I recon its even harder now.  So if anyone you know is thinking of coming to Vancouver on a haphazard whim…advise them to read my blog and then engage in political activism to change their local culture’s ideals about marijuana.

Today I looked at a rather shoddy bachelor.  “I’ll take it.”  I don’t fucking care.  I’m not home much and when I am I’m not sitting there thinking ‘oh I wish I lived in some grandious castle on the lake in outerspace made of diamonds’.  I never fucking cook; I work in a really good restaurant and I know the cheapest healthiest spots to call my feeding hole.  I have no stereo.  My computer was stolen not that I even care cuz I can do absolutely everything from my Android.  I’m highly immigrant friendly and upwardly mobile (or so I like to think).

But alas the landlord has to get back to me when he can get his daughter to translate.  I know I could communicate with this man.  This would be no problem for me.  I used to talk to the most foreign of foreigners when I worked for the government.  But I understand that the guy is probably quite insecure.

So here I sit at the library.  Truth be told I just wanted to read Indiana Jones (re: conflict in Middle East plotlines), but the only damn plugin was by a computer so I got sucked into WordPress.   Before I came here I was at a pot-lounge not smoking pot cuz I didn’t feel like it.  I just read the news and said hi to a few chronic kids.  I’d totally go all squiggly if I smoke blunts as fat as those.  Oh and when I read the news…when I read the news…I just can’t help by troll the politicians and the journalists.  Call it a hobby.  I stick to what I know though, seeing as I don’t particularly want to be the next hot blog-murder case.  (BUSINESS/ANTHROPOLOGY/ENTERTAINMENT/ENVIRONMENT/politix).  Once and a while I even get a media response or a tweet back.  🙂  This is why I love the media in my town.  This is why I read the paper damn near everyday.

Vancouver has a large homeless population, not gonna lie.  The working chaps get screwed over left right and centre by an overly socialist town/uppity as fkk on the otherside of the scale.  Like I swear it feels like it would be easier to get a place to live if I was in detox or if I was a prostitute or a drama queen or something. 🙂  WELL I am sortof a drama queen but I do it a little more like Madonna than Charlie Sheen.  And my network is rather quite large and well-rounded.  But most of them are part of the 1 billion worldwide smart people who don’t really have any property to rent and probably are more focused on childcare.  Oh but remember DHB makes all these waves for the children.  If I didn’t find them all so damn cute and want them to have good lives I’d probably just watch Orange is the New Black reruns for weeks on end.

Well we shall see if I has an home for my suitcase later tonight.  If not, I’m self-medicating with another 6 pack.  I might even splurge on one of Vancouver’s finer (famous) craft beers.  Yes, yes….the world is my oyster.  There are oysters walking around everywhere though….and most of them are remote terminals who still haven’t realized that privacy is a delusion.   LOL  Just don’t be a douchebag about it now that you know this 🙂  Oh and also come to my restaurant and follow/subscribe/tell yo friends.  Have a lovely damn day!

DHB

A Message To WordPress Elite

My gratitude
Your kind support
Has rescued me
From emotional slavery

Now Im doing what Im supposed to
But im only one woman

Read some of my tweets
Especially imaginary or real
Canadians

Emotional (feminine)
@brandine_X

Political Bitch Slapping (masculin)
@drhashtagbaby

its everyone’s thought homework
#EmotionalResistance

#gratitude

#SolveHungerWithReform

#HumanityToExploreGalaxy

#ItsNotTheEndOfTheWorld

Also…

#IntellectualCoffee

M4W: Foldy Cat’s Fervor

Pleasantly plump and young for his age, Foldy Fox-Cat is seeking female cat ages 7-18.

Foldy is well travelled, and always flies 1st class.  He has lived in the best cities in Western Canada, and has had many cat-amigoes along the way.

Foldy cat has no claws so he developed a certain snarky humour to make up for it.
(A lot of people are pissed off that happened to him).

On KOTOR his main is Jabba the Hutt.

He has a toe fetish.

He is BatCat.

His go to jam is Eminem.

His hobbies are red wine (grape juice) and telepathy.

He blogs about how hard life is without thumbs.

He always wears a tuxedo cuz he’s just classy like that.

If you think you might be that special someone, please email Foldy.  No soliciters please.  He is far too awkward to be a prostitute.

FicklyFoldy@BattlestarGallactica.Net

Heritage Building Adventures

So I live in a sexy old condo built over 100 years ago and named after a possibly-folk hero of old.  I always seem to be attracted to these buildings…IDK why but they just feel homey.

I could tell u hundereds of odd stories and even had a few ghastly encounters.

Well I was doing the old SundayOff Sleepin when I was jolted awake by a feeble sounding firealarm.  I was instantly aware and discerned that there was no damn fire.   But I heard this…waterfall outside my hallway door….i had to investigate.

Fresh cigarette in lips…i undid the deadbolt and looked up.  Excellent.  I got blasted with the indoor sprinkling system that was flooding the entire hallway.  I slammed the door and lit the cigarette inside.

Made a super dim instagram vid of it.

Eavesdropped as the maintenance dudes (very cute thru the peephole i might add) tried to figure out wtf.   They slowed it down but….they strategically placed some industrial sized buckets all over the hallway.

I went back to bed….eyeing a sprinkler on the ceiling above my bed with a meanace on.  I figured it was a nightmare so i tried to go back to sleep so I could wake up to the REAL 2PM

But…the firealarm started spazzing out in some weird brand of 2180s techno….so alas…i left.   Now I’m hiding at my friends house…..and shopping on craigslist for scuba gear..

Woooo wonderful day!

I’m sure my apartments ok?@

TAutumn

Here is my first and only attempt at a kidz Youtube….well itz really my bestie MissMolly that did most of the work here.  Enjoy and follow Youtube ‘koalaateyobaby’  🙂

New Bloggers: Tips, Tricks, And Jokes (Canadian Jokes Plz)

Good Morning Blobbers

Hearing the call to become an Internet personality is definitely not for anyone.  I’m rather reluctant myself since it requires a lot of research, but alas I’ve been hunting for post-University work for years in all aspects of my (very diverse and lucrative) field.  This is not the job market I was told about, but I’m lucky that at least I happen to have a talent that is incredibly valuable; higher quality content could be leveraged to a far more profitable level.  Well its a strategy I’m not the first to think of.  I just know that its probably the brightest idea that has a lot of potential to trend in 2015.  And while I’m never the type to get bored, its about time I use all of what little power a 29 year old has to move forward.

If you’re already on board the blogosphere, you understand how different your perception evolves from having more influencers in your life.  Whether you believe everything they say or not.  The real, hard truth is that some Canadians are emotionally handicapped, and I would argue that this is a far more limiting disability than any of that goblty-gook the psychiatrists go on about (particularly in locations that haven’t achieve much progress in the mental health department).  Well, I’m probably a little right and a little wrong….I am bad for speculating about things that just aren’t resolvable (good thing I don’t have any rules to follow).

But you know who I’m talking about, those people who either lack the spark of creativity or just haven’t been taught how to access it.  They’re mean.  I would probably ban them from the Internet, but I never seem to get my way in these matters.  (The policy makers won’t tweet back!) But really, once you get used to it, online bashing is actually more humorous because its stupid and ungrounded.  Its sad to see a sensitive noob getting picked on though.  Some people come online because they have no where to turn and maybe someone told them how successful a blog community has with healing.  A lonely person who, say just moved away has the means to access the people they miss being around.  I have one of those MASSIVE families, most of them whom I wouldn’t have talked to in 10 years without a micro-blog.  But I should address the negative side of being a content creator: its easy to get in a habit of over-thinking, or over-confidence and unintentionally defaming yourself (oh yes…I’ve engaged in this blunder), or to post when you’ve been drinking.  Sometimes those judgy ones will never re-friend you.

But, like any human, I recall a less than ideal time in my life where I had this brilliant idea of becoming the next Hunter S. Thompson and lit the blog community on fire.  Well, when one is in those real ruts of life…no matter who you are…your mind tends to wander.  In retrospect I suspect most people were afraid to read me or comment. But..a couple people out there who happened to think like I do (or at least used to) gave me comments without any criticism and plenty of insight.  It was amazing how they seemed to know what I was saying more than I even did (Oi.. them sneaky telepathics!)  Always remember, having a ton of followers can be over-rated.  You’d be better off to just post to the extra-terrestrials who are obviously reading.

You don’t need talent, the only requirement is a little thought and a few real life experiences.  My advise would be to take extra time and add your photography or whatever you can dream of.  I’m busy as can be, but when I’m around I’ll check it out.  Everyone’s different.  I’m obviously a writer, so for me there’s just no better way to organize my thoughts and move forward.  And…as of yet, I haven’t heard any of my catch-phrases or jokes stolen so someone else can profit off them.  If they do, I’ll probably sneakily make fun of them (not a perfect angel).  My current goal is to be able to market my content, for socially responsible businesses, in a way that will actually entertain people and secure loyal consumers.  Do you think I’m worth money?  I just happen to be in the Canadian creative capitol (I’m a fierce tiger in this war-like market).  I hope I can rise up to one of many of my dreams.  But I’m only at this point because I have literally been doing this for over 15 years, since the dawn of the Internet, posting on the daily.  At this point in my life there is almost nothing that would make me give up trying.  Student loan debt-load tends to keep me awake at night.

One final topic I’d like to address is the nature of content.  YOUR CONTENT CAN GET YOU ARRESTED!  So be careful out there, and make sure you pay attention in Law class.  The area I would suggest you brush up on is privacy law, just in case.  No one needs to be an example.  Just don’t mention any person or company’s names.  Healthy paranoia is ok.  If your up to the challenge of being smarter than those who don’t participate in the conversation, carry on…there’s quite a bit of fabulous reading out there that is far more empathetic and compelling than anything printed on paper    Maybe you’ll love it, and be a more capable individual as a result.  Don’t expect to get paid too soon or very much; there’s a lot of misinformation around about that.  Those famous content creators dedicate their entire lives to the gig (its an under-respected occupation as of now, another challenge for me to mull over if things work out). Oi, Canada’s about to become sooooo much weirder……Wordpress has EXPLODED with new Canadian users this holiday season.

Comment, keep in touch, and try not be too degrading towards the dinosaurs who haven’t embraced their special, and for some reason don’t love us.

Adventures in Professional Development: Entertaining Pyramid Schemers Without Joining

you gotta join something but never sacrifice your logic

Sometimes I laugh at the things that are just not funny at all.  This evening, I’m laughing about my recent pyramid scheme encounter.  Hehe.  You can’t fool this blogger!

The recruiters were smart, and very well trained to the point where it appeared natural.  But no one who thinks for themselves explains things with such a bulletproof logic.  Myself, educated and with a keen business interest, know that the real world is fairly wish-washy and everything ever written is but someone’s opinion.  Business strategies need to be considered from every possible angle.  I can only speculate what the executives are really aiming to do in this case.  But they do make their followers believe that they are the ones leading, and pursuing their own personal dreams.  Anyways, they were very secretive with what really goes on, and mainly sell the idea of their brand of professional development.  I knew right away when I was contacted what this was (or at least I highly suspected it was a cult).  I’m just that goof that wanted a little cheap yet informative entertainment.

I engaged them.  I asked, “If your business is so successful that you can retire at age 23, I’m interested to know what type of products or services you sell, and what types of work do you actually have to do?”  Well the response was rather weak, something about not giving away their secrets and building trust with mentors at meetings.  Oi.  Well this is all fine and dandy.  Hell I’d love a mentor and I’d love to succeed…but I’m just not so sure the cultish motivation tactics would suit me and my creative intuition that is so aware of what people don’t use words to communicate.  I’ve read a few threads between supporters and haters of this organization, that left me quite divided on whether what they are doing is wrong.  I do however feel confident that they operate within the laws, but these days many people know all too well how easy it is to manipulate our forefather’s legal logic towards a destructive cause.  All in all, I’ll co-operate with almost any organization but the bottom line is I first would just like to know what my job is….anything less is pretty scandalous.

They were far less concerned about my talents and ideas than ensuring that I was motivated to join their winning team.  Well I’m very much motivated and ambitious and to be honest I engage in professional development as a mere hobby.  Their simplistic vision had nothing to do with business and everything to do with recruitment and bragging.

In the past I had the misfortune of being co-opted into a cult that was guised as a rehabilitation centre of an elite calibre.  At that point my dream was to free myself from a cycle of over-consumption.  I just wasn’t happy, because I couldn’t be myself and my worldview was flawed.  I committed to the cause of achieving better health and gave it my all.  I figured out it was a cult after many months of being programmed..but I went along with it because I have an open mind to a fault.  In good faith, I can say that I learned a lot of things that really did help and a lot of things that were fucked up as hell.  This cult totally destroyed my ability to be a productive member of society and it took me many years of reading and learning to get back to a sense of normalcy.  If I were to approach it like conventional education where you consider points and form your own opinions, the whole experience would have been valuable.  But the inherent nature of a cultish education is that you are denied your personal freedom to disagree with any angle of what you are told.  You can’t see what works for you.  You can’t be flexible.  You can’t be creative.  And these are some of the qualities about myself that are priceless to my self esteem and in the end I still have enough groceries in my cupboard that I don’t have to sacrifice them.  If I was desperate, I’m sure I could be a flawless little actress (skills learned from Youtubing), but for now I’ll take my chances and happily continue my job hunt.  

So yes.  I’ll read their book.  It’ll probably be a good read.  Heh but it would probably be a disaster if I decided to go to that meeting.  The down-side of being immune to mind control is that you tend to be toxic towards mind controlled people and they’re over-simplistic logic, which is rather quite alienating.  I still respect them, and admire that they can make lots of money, but they look at me as though I am something that I am not.  Lazy, unruly, and probably not smart enough.  They are conditioned to think this way.  Its ok, it does take all kinds after all.

All in all, I’m so happy I met them.  I started thinking about maybe even starting a small business of my own.  And I can do that without them.  I do have all the tools I need.  Far more than most aspiring entrepreneurs.  But I doubt I’d ever sell a product.  The age of the product is long gone for much of generation Y.  I’m a little ahead, but the only thing people want anymore seems to be sturdy and versatile electronics (and memorable experiences).  I think it’ll have to be a unique and innovative service; something that jives with a new era of communication with heart.  The challenge is pretty ridiculous though, when but a small group of people believe what I do…and they’re all broke as hell.  The lovely virtual ghetto ain’t a glamorous life but it certainly can be a wild, exciting, and entertaining ride, that those mind controlled people can’t even possibly imagine.  But I have faith that things will fare far better once my generation grows up and assumes more power.  Millennials everywhere are starting to pull up their socks, and we’re hilarious  and lovable once you get used to us.  I can’t wait to find a mentor who will laugh with me and let me make money that helps develop our country.  There’s surprisingly quite a few of us young-at-heart weirdos who care not about the annoying American dream.  Because most of us have millions of dreams and we’ll be satisfied if we get any one of them.  Its kinda funny really that Gen Y and Gen X each think the other is crazy and insane and needs helping.  Well…perhaps we need a little of both and a little more hope.  Hehe I wonder what us older zaney content creators will say when Gen Z comes up….7 seconds and the job is done?  Haha I think not.