(Brandine) Lois Lame DHB Homelessness Diary – Day 4

Oh ya you missed all the other days but they’re mostly on @brandine_X  (I don’t always have the time to sit there and pen out a blorg).  Days 1, 2, and 3 flew by as I was hard at twerk.  I am a really good bartender and server and do everything I can to throw myself into the host/entertainer role.  I’m grateful that my boss has spent years building up a solid clientele.  I rarely ever have to put on my bouncer fedora these days.

I have been searching for a modest home for 3 weeks now, and its a struggle in Vancouver.  This town is full of people who have just arrived and came to follow their dreams, just as I did some 5 years ago.  Ahh well it was hard back then, but I recon its even harder now.  So if anyone you know is thinking of coming to Vancouver on a haphazard whim…advise them to read my blog and then engage in political activism to change their local culture’s ideals about marijuana.

Today I looked at a rather shoddy bachelor.  “I’ll take it.”  I don’t fucking care.  I’m not home much and when I am I’m not sitting there thinking ‘oh I wish I lived in some grandious castle on the lake in outerspace made of diamonds’.  I never fucking cook; I work in a really good restaurant and I know the cheapest healthiest spots to call my feeding hole.  I have no stereo.  My computer was stolen not that I even care cuz I can do absolutely everything from my Android.  I’m highly immigrant friendly and upwardly mobile (or so I like to think).

But alas the landlord has to get back to me when he can get his daughter to translate.  I know I could communicate with this man.  This would be no problem for me.  I used to talk to the most foreign of foreigners when I worked for the government.  But I understand that the guy is probably quite insecure.

So here I sit at the library.  Truth be told I just wanted to read Indiana Jones (re: conflict in Middle East plotlines), but the only damn plugin was by a computer so I got sucked into WordPress.   Before I came here I was at a pot-lounge not smoking pot cuz I didn’t feel like it.  I just read the news and said hi to a few chronic kids.  I’d totally go all squiggly if I smoke blunts as fat as those.  Oh and when I read the news…when I read the news…I just can’t help by troll the politicians and the journalists.  Call it a hobby.  I stick to what I know though, seeing as I don’t particularly want to be the next hot blog-murder case.  (BUSINESS/ANTHROPOLOGY/ENTERTAINMENT/ENVIRONMENT/politix).  Once and a while I even get a media response or a tweet back.  🙂  This is why I love the media in my town.  This is why I read the paper damn near everyday.

Vancouver has a large homeless population, not gonna lie.  The working chaps get screwed over left right and centre by an overly socialist town/uppity as fkk on the otherside of the scale.  Like I swear it feels like it would be easier to get a place to live if I was in detox or if I was a prostitute or a drama queen or something. 🙂  WELL I am sortof a drama queen but I do it a little more like Madonna than Charlie Sheen.  And my network is rather quite large and well-rounded.  But most of them are part of the 1 billion worldwide smart people who don’t really have any property to rent and probably are more focused on childcare.  Oh but remember DHB makes all these waves for the children.  If I didn’t find them all so damn cute and want them to have good lives I’d probably just watch Orange is the New Black reruns for weeks on end.

Well we shall see if I has an home for my suitcase later tonight.  If not, I’m self-medicating with another 6 pack.  I might even splurge on one of Vancouver’s finer (famous) craft beers.  Yes, yes….the world is my oyster.  There are oysters walking around everywhere though….and most of them are remote terminals who still haven’t realized that privacy is a delusion.   LOL  Just don’t be a douchebag about it now that you know this 🙂  Oh and also come to my restaurant and follow/subscribe/tell yo friends.  Have a lovely damn day!



New Bloggers:  Tips, Tricks, And Jokes (Canadian Jokes Plz)

Good Morning Blobbers

Good Morning Blobbers

Hearing the call to become an Internet personality is definitely not for anyone.  I’m rather reluctant myself since it requires a lot of research, but alas I’ve been hunting for post-University work for years in all aspects of my (very diverse and lucrative) field.  This is not the job market I was told about, but I’m lucky that at least I happen to have a talent that is incredibly valuable; higher quality content could be leveraged to a far more profitable level.  Well its a strategy I’m not the first to think of.  I just know that its probably the brightest idea that has a lot of potential to trend in 2015.  And while I’m never the type to get bored, its about time I use all of what little power a 29 year old has to move forward.

If you’re already on board the blogosphere, you understand how different your perception evolves from having more influencers in your life.  Whether you believe everything they say or not.  The real, hard truth is that some Canadians are emotionally handicapped, and I would argue that this is a far more limiting disability than any of that goblty-gook the psychiatrists go on about (particularly in locations that haven’t achieve much progress in the mental health department).  Well, I’m probably a little right and a little wrong….I am bad for speculating about things that just aren’t resolvable (good thing I don’t have any rules to follow).

But you know who I’m talking about, those people who either lack the spark of creativity or just haven’t been taught how to access it.  They’re mean.  I would probably ban them from the Internet, but I never seem to get my way in these matters.  (The policy makers won’t tweet back!) But really, once you get used to it, online bashing is actually more humorous because its stupid and ungrounded.  Its sad to see a sensitive noob getting picked on though.  Some people come online because they have no where to turn and maybe someone told them how successful a blog community has with healing.  A lonely person who, say just moved away has the means to access the people they miss being around.  I have one of those MASSIVE families, most of them whom I wouldn’t have talked to in 10 years without a micro-blog.  But I should address the negative side of being a content creator: its easy to get in a habit of over-thinking, or over-confidence and unintentionally defaming yourself (oh yes…I’ve engaged in this blunder), or to post when you’ve been drinking.  Sometimes those judgy ones will never re-friend you.

But, like any human, I recall a less than ideal time in my life where I had this brilliant idea of becoming the next Hunter S. Thompson and lit the blog community on fire.  Well, when one is in those real ruts of life…no matter who you are…your mind tends to wander.  In retrospect I suspect most people were afraid to read me or comment. But..a couple people out there who happened to think like I do (or at least used to) gave me comments without any criticism and plenty of insight.  It was amazing how they seemed to know what I was saying more than I even did (Oi.. them sneaky telepathics!)  Always remember, having a ton of followers can be over-rated.  You’d be better off to just post to the extra-terrestrials who are obviously reading.

You don’t need talent, the only requirement is a little thought and a few real life experiences.  My advise would be to take extra time and add your photography or whatever you can dream of.  I’m busy as can be, but when I’m around I’ll check it out.  Everyone’s different.  I’m obviously a writer, so for me there’s just no better way to organize my thoughts and move forward.  And…as of yet, I haven’t heard any of my catch-phrases or jokes stolen so someone else can profit off them.  If they do, I’ll probably sneakily make fun of them (not a perfect angel).  My current goal is to be able to market my content, for socially responsible businesses, in a way that will actually entertain people and secure loyal consumers.  Do you think I’m worth money?  I just happen to be in the Canadian creative capitol (I’m a fierce tiger in this war-like market).  I hope I can rise up to one of many of my dreams.  But I’m only at this point because I have literally been doing this for over 15 years, since the dawn of the Internet, posting on the daily.  At this point in my life there is almost nothing that would make me give up trying.  Student loan debt-load tends to keep me awake at night.

One final topic I’d like to address is the nature of content.  YOUR CONTENT CAN GET YOU ARRESTED!  So be careful out there, and make sure you pay attention in Law class.  The area I would suggest you brush up on is privacy law, just in case.  No one needs to be an example.  Just don’t mention any person or company’s names.  Healthy paranoia is ok.  If your up to the challenge of being smarter than those who don’t participate in the conversation, carry on…there’s quite a bit of fabulous reading out there that is far more empathetic and compelling than anything printed on paper    Maybe you’ll love it, and be a more capable individual as a result.  Don’t expect to get paid too soon or very much; there’s a lot of misinformation around about that.  Those famous content creators dedicate their entire lives to the gig (its an under-respected occupation as of now, another challenge for me to mull over if things work out). Oi, Canada’s about to become sooooo much weirder……Wordpress has EXPLODED with new Canadian users this holiday season.

Comment, keep in touch, and try not be too degrading towards the dinosaurs who haven’t embraced their special, and for some reason don’t love us.

Bully Culture: My Tips for Both the Young and Old

fight with energy not bodies.  and leave.

fight with energy not bodies. and leave.

If you’re lucky enough to have a stable life with solid friends that appreciate you in all your uniqueness, you still might want to read this in case you know a kid who happens to be a quirk.  I dare say I’m as quirky as it gets and even worse I have an incredibly high emotional IQ.  But..umm.. my experiences in rural Canada made me far far stronger.  And I’m a full grown adult!  But my enemies probably felt powerful ,because I advocated non-violence and non-threatening behaviour.

I mean really I will always be just a kid at heart, so its understandable that I got bullied in the very same way that a teenager would.  Hopefully I can help someone.

Well where I was, the people just have a lot of angst and crankiness.  They all work mundane jobs that pay big bucks and work more than their fair share of hours.  They drink alcohol instead of water and the overwhelming majority never reads a book and has no clue what a blog is.  The most they will do is take cheap shots on Facebook.  Oh I generalize here, there were obviously the good ones.  But those ones were always on guard and acting as if they were ordinary.  A few select people I met out there, I believe have the potential to be celebrated artists.

But creative enthusiasm is met with both cat-calling and in the worst cases death threats.  A girl with large tits is most certainly not permitted to go for a jog or a swim.  Bar-brawls are common and rumors spread like plagues.  And I’m sure you can imagine that 99% of the things said are untrue.  At one point the whole town was accusing me of smearing shit on the walls in the bar bathroom, and I was like what?  I thought I was always nice to you.  My phone got hacked and all my friends got bombed with ridiculously defaming messages and I had to get all new accounts a new phone number and SIM card.  But I didn’t mind, the cell phone agent did it for free when I told my story.  I did also make one police report, no charges, just in case things got ugly.

Well here was my strategy.  It depended on the situation.  If they were picking fun, I’d take a cheap shot back that was far more insightful and cut deeper.  This may have not been the wisest approach (certainly not for the weak of heart), but it did at least bring satisfaction.  If they were raging, I was the most elusive escape artist in the world.  I never told anyone where I lived, no worries.  Better that then to have a bully come find me and who knows what (I’m just a little lady).  Because of all the hubbub, I spent much time without friends.  So I worked on my various networks.  Took my content creation to (allow me to be proud a little) a mastery level. I talked to old friends.  And even made a few Youtube videos and I achieved a very very small amount of fame for my self-deprecating humour.  Truth be told, comedy is the saddest fucking thing if you really think about it.  But the laughter does serve as a cathartic release.

Eventually I made a few friends willing to stand up for me.  They called these overgrown bullies childish and mean.  I constantly updated my feed just to ensure that my closest family didn’t believe anything that people ranted about me.  In the end, I had to move away.  My boss didn’t treat me with much respect either and cut my hours to next to nothing even though I worked my hardest.  I dearly do love the town I grew up in, but the people there are so fucking bitter and voluntarily-dumb.  I couldn’t help them be happier, because my chill emotional control pissed them off quite royally.  But being emotionally elite does take work.  Read all those heartwarming memes, and counsellor’s blogs, and create some content.  I call it ‘creative therapy’.  Tell your kids, if you think it might help.  IDK, they don’t have the tools to decode and handle it like I did.  Aww and I luv them kiddies.  Send me their Vlog?

Cheers, and remember.  The only time its right to bully is when you are being bullied.  But be sneaky and don’t let them catch onto you.   You smart.