(Brandine) Lois Lame DHB Homelessness Diary – Day 4

Oh ya you missed all the other days but they’re mostly on @brandine_X  (I don’t always have the time to sit there and pen out a blorg).  Days 1, 2, and 3 flew by as I was hard at twerk.  I am a really good bartender and server and do everything I can to throw myself into the host/entertainer role.  I’m grateful that my boss has spent years building up a solid clientele.  I rarely ever have to put on my bouncer fedora these days.

I have been searching for a modest home for 3 weeks now, and its a struggle in Vancouver.  This town is full of people who have just arrived and came to follow their dreams, just as I did some 5 years ago.  Ahh well it was hard back then, but I recon its even harder now.  So if anyone you know is thinking of coming to Vancouver on a haphazard whim…advise them to read my blog and then engage in political activism to change their local culture’s ideals about marijuana.

Today I looked at a rather shoddy bachelor.  “I’ll take it.”  I don’t fucking care.  I’m not home much and when I am I’m not sitting there thinking ‘oh I wish I lived in some grandious castle on the lake in outerspace made of diamonds’.  I never fucking cook; I work in a really good restaurant and I know the cheapest healthiest spots to call my feeding hole.  I have no stereo.  My computer was stolen not that I even care cuz I can do absolutely everything from my Android.  I’m highly immigrant friendly and upwardly mobile (or so I like to think).

But alas the landlord has to get back to me when he can get his daughter to translate.  I know I could communicate with this man.  This would be no problem for me.  I used to talk to the most foreign of foreigners when I worked for the government.  But I understand that the guy is probably quite insecure.

So here I sit at the library.  Truth be told I just wanted to read Indiana Jones (re: conflict in Middle East plotlines), but the only damn plugin was by a computer so I got sucked into WordPress.   Before I came here I was at a pot-lounge not smoking pot cuz I didn’t feel like it.  I just read the news and said hi to a few chronic kids.  I’d totally go all squiggly if I smoke blunts as fat as those.  Oh and when I read the news…when I read the news…I just can’t help by troll the politicians and the journalists.  Call it a hobby.  I stick to what I know though, seeing as I don’t particularly want to be the next hot blog-murder case.  (BUSINESS/ANTHROPOLOGY/ENTERTAINMENT/ENVIRONMENT/politix).  Once and a while I even get a media response or a tweet back.  🙂  This is why I love the media in my town.  This is why I read the paper damn near everyday.

Vancouver has a large homeless population, not gonna lie.  The working chaps get screwed over left right and centre by an overly socialist town/uppity as fkk on the otherside of the scale.  Like I swear it feels like it would be easier to get a place to live if I was in detox or if I was a prostitute or a drama queen or something. 🙂  WELL I am sortof a drama queen but I do it a little more like Madonna than Charlie Sheen.  And my network is rather quite large and well-rounded.  But most of them are part of the 1 billion worldwide smart people who don’t really have any property to rent and probably are more focused on childcare.  Oh but remember DHB makes all these waves for the children.  If I didn’t find them all so damn cute and want them to have good lives I’d probably just watch Orange is the New Black reruns for weeks on end.

Well we shall see if I has an home for my suitcase later tonight.  If not, I’m self-medicating with another 6 pack.  I might even splurge on one of Vancouver’s finer (famous) craft beers.  Yes, yes….the world is my oyster.  There are oysters walking around everywhere though….and most of them are remote terminals who still haven’t realized that privacy is a delusion.   LOL  Just don’t be a douchebag about it now that you know this 🙂  Oh and also come to my restaurant and follow/subscribe/tell yo friends.  Have a lovely damn day!



Heritage Building Adventures

So I live in a sexy old condo built over 100 years ago and named after a possibly-folk hero of old.  I always seem to be attracted to these buildings…IDK why but they just feel homey.

I could tell u hundereds of odd stories and even had a few ghastly encounters.

Well I was doing the old SundayOff Sleepin when I was jolted awake by a feeble sounding firealarm.  I was instantly aware and discerned that there was no damn fire.   But I heard this…waterfall outside my hallway door….i had to investigate.

Fresh cigarette in lips…i undid the deadbolt and looked up.  Excellent.  I got blasted with the indoor sprinkling system that was flooding the entire hallway.  I slammed the door and lit the cigarette inside.

Made a super dim instagram vid of it.

Eavesdropped as the maintenance dudes (very cute thru the peephole i might add) tried to figure out wtf.   They slowed it down but….they strategically placed some industrial sized buckets all over the hallway.

I went back to bed….eyeing a sprinkler on the ceiling above my bed with a meanace on.  I figured it was a nightmare so i tried to go back to sleep so I could wake up to the REAL 2PM

But…the firealarm started spazzing out in some weird brand of 2180s techno….so alas…i left.   Now I’m hiding at my friends house…..and shopping on craigslist for scuba gear..

Woooo wonderful day!

I’m sure my apartments ok?@